wo tzi

Imaginary house

Imaginary House v2

Many unexpected things happened, I was just going with my heart. Not having clear directions, just a vague ideas of what I could do. I didn't plan for this to happen, but of course I had wished for an encounter with another. Over the years I have managed to somehow deal with my loneliness, even if it would come back ever so often. Creating a desire inside me to connect with another in a deeper way I had ever done before.

With no clear direction I simply let things happen as they are, and to my surprise I had met somebody. I had no expectations, surely no one would ever fall in love with me. To my surprise it felt like we had a genuine connection. I felt like she cared for me and showed me interest. After the first time we met, she had to go quite quickly and so I was left for a longing for her to return, writing her everyday. Waiting patiently.

She finally came and I felt like the Lord had finally blessed me. For some reason things were going well. I had never expected a relationship to come this suddenly and so lovingly. I had never met someone like you.

On top of the hill we started building our relationship. One beam at a time, bricks for the walls. It stood still and calmly, but rain was about to hit and we still had no roof. We got drenched, we had some differences between us, it felt difficult at first, we had to overcome our past that we were carrying with us. A baggage pulling us down. It was nothing severe, although having just met this person it felt like a tornado had hit me.

After the rain there was moments of sun again. A time to build and have fun. We had a lot of fun. We played outside, drove around. It started feeling less akward and we started becoming more comfortable with each other.

We returned home, this time closer than ever. A new place to build, but with every happy moment came another disaster, a trigger that made the sky dark and turned us into demons. Fighting through the night until there was no more energy to expend. Exhausted we lied there, cuddling. It was comforting that even though we had the tough times we would reconsile in our arms and forgive each other. It made me love her even more that we didn't just seperate when there was a conflict.

I settled down into a new place, closer to her. We started building it up. Making it comfortable for both of us. We could finally see each other more frequently. I started to feel like I had finally found someone, that my endless solo journey has come to an end and now there will be two of us. The two of us to venture out and make new experiences.

We went on a few trips, but one day when we returned the door was broken and the neighbours came in. It was a surprise to us and there was a lot of confusion about the place, wondering if we should go somewhere else. It did not take long for a wise woman to appear and calm our nerves. It was alright for now. We can continue here. We will see how it goes.

There were more challenges to come, but we kept going. Before I knew it the biggest challenge came upon us. There was another man. A shadow of the past following us. Taunting us in our new settlement. It was the biggest storm yet to come. The biggest challenge to face. A tornado hit us, and we got blown into the sky. With rage, fear, anger, sadness, angst, a confusion never felt before. We tried our best to land, avoiding the obstacles. Many things of the past that I didn't know came out. Twisted truths. Things I thought were not true. I was lied to and shocked at first.

We finally crawled back, the house barely standing. Bruises in and outside us, but we kept going and made the best out of the evening. Temporarily fixing the windows with whatever resources we had.

Sadly this was just the beginning of the end. She had to go. And I was left with a half broken house barley standing. I wasn't sure how to make it, luckily everday a pigeon would come. Leaving behind words of encouragment, until one day. I finally woke up.

There was never a house to begin with. The entire house was build on lies. The bricks were filled with sand. The beams filled with ashes. The whole house collapsed in an instant. Leaving nothing but the dust.

The whole time I was being lied to. I believed every word. I was so gullible to think we had a future. I was left with nothing but the most basic foundation with cracks going deep inside it. Breaking ever so slowly, becoming weaker each day.

I tried to understand. I wanted to forgive. I wanted to disbelieve. I wanted a lot, but I didn't want to let go. It was too painful for me. The night was the darkest I had lived through for a long time. I woke up still with nothing but a broken place. I kept trying to fix something, while she is gone, but no matter what I tried the cracks kept getting bigger.

It did not take long before the ground started to shake, breaking apart the last bits of stability. I wanted her to understand that I am in ruins, hoping that she would care. Begging for words of encouragment. But instead I was greeted with even more harsh words. There was only a single straw left, that eventually broke with her words of ignorance.

The ground is ruined, I am sitting on a rock. Left with nothing, but myself. No idea what awaits me. Anything could happen. For now I will stay still. Waiting for my next omen to appear.

It's been quite the journey, and many more to come...

Imaginary House v2 was published on Nov 13, 2022

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